Bill's Bountiful Blog

May I keep you posted on my thoughts, ideas, observations, and silliness?. Am I serious? Is it relevant?. Does anyone care? Probably not much.

But in today's age of everyone has something to say, why not me? And who can blame me for jumping into to the pool? For speaking up For laying it out?

"Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one." - Thomas Wiley, Journalist


Join Email List

Guests Say the Darndest Things - Lodging Newsletter August 31, 2025

Published: 08/31/25 Topics: AirBnB, Booking.com, Expedia, Guest Behavior, Lodging Newsletter, Radio, Television, VRBO.com Comments: 0

Guest say the darndest things
From 1959 to 1969, host Art Linkletter’s TV show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things", was a staple on CBS television. It was based on his previous radio series with the same name.
 
Every business person who speaks with customers knows that the general public can say some doozie things. Retailers can’t remember every person who comes to the cash register, but they can certainly remember those who ask too much, demand too much, and sometimes pay too little.
 
The vacation rental and lodging industry is no different. If you want to make a meeting of hospitality people cry from laughing, just get them started on their stories. Most are funny, some are silly, and occasionally even a little sad.
 
Having a customer become irritated may be undesirable if a property fails in some way - a freezer that won’t freeze, and key that won’t turn, a hot tub that is warm. What is not decipherable is when they lose their tempers over things on one could anticipate.
 
Although the advent of online advertising services such as Expedia, Booking.com, VRBO, AirBnB and many other "channels" increase occupancy and profit for property owners, they also encourage consumers to demand more. Guests on AirBnB are 500% more likely to be difficult than if they booked on VRBO. They are 700% riskier than if they booked directly with the management firm. 
 
This newsletter is not to complain about those guests. It is to thank the dozens of hard working staff who must deal with the 5% of guests who are finicky, while finding joy in the wonderful thank yous they get from 95% of the public who love what they do.
 
Every day the attitude must be uplifting, helpful, and even overly kind to every person they come in contact with. There must be smiles and slow explanations, non-stop assistance, and downright kindness in all we do.  
 
It’s not easy. But one small reward helps. When we look back at the darndest things guests say, we get to smile and, after further thought and reflection, we get to see that difficult guests are just another way we service the property and property owners.
 

Here are a few anecdotes that would have made even Art Linkletter wrinkle his nose.
 
Lodging Newsletter by William May
August 31, 2025 - Guests Say the Darndest Things
 
To book thousands and thousands of nights for vacation rental houses, condos and rooms, staff member are always on the phone answering questions, providing clarity and taking bookings.  We must remember the hoards of people we are making happy with wonderful vacations and holidays. But we also remember the arcane, bizarre, and just plain crazy words some people say. (Along with answers we would think, but not say loud.)
 
Q: Can we use the neighbor’s boat? How would they even know? (We would tell them.)
Q: I am not putting my female parts into a hot tub after my children use it. (Nice kids.)
Q: Why does the lake go up and down twice a day? (Can you spell O-C-E-A-N?)
Q: The dates I wanted are booked. Can you cancel the other people? (We like them better.)
Q: Can I bring a trailer with 10 more people to use the bathroom? (Mr. Septic will not like that.)
Q: Why is there a pet cleaning fee? My dog doesn’t pee that much. (Did you measure it?)
Q: I had to rearrange all the furniture to be feng shui. You’ll love it. (No, we won’t.)
Q: Am I allowed to use the water? (Yes and electricity, too. Kinda like magic.)
Q: Is there a nearby store where I can buy a large bra? (Bras R Us.)
Q: For max occupants do you count young people AND old people? (None over 100.)
Q: How thick is the toilet paper? (Do you have something special in mind?)
Q: Can you block all political news on the TV? (Would if we could.)
Q: Why is there no garbage disposal in the bath tub? (I have no kind answer.)
Q: Can you ship me the devices I left in the bedroom? (Only if we don’t have to touch them.)
Q: Can you guarantee it will be snowing? (In summer years, we can.)
Q: Can I bring guns for target practice? (Book that room at the jail.)
Q: Does your Internet provider allow porn? (That is more than we want to think about.)
Q: Don’t tell my wife I am renting with my girlfriend. (There are extra charges for infidelity.)
Q: Do you have a bed bigger than a King. My wife is coming with me. (You have us confused.)
Q: Can you tell me where I can get a lap dance? (Ah ah ah, no.)
Q: I see checkout is 11AM. Can I leave earlier?  (No, you must stay every minute.)
Q: Can you pick me up at the airport? It’s only 3 hours away. (Rush hour, or?)
Q: I arrived late, do I get a discount? (Try that at McDonalds.)
Q: If the listings says no dogs, does that mean no pit bulls? (No bulls of any kind.)
Q: If I stay three times do I get one free? (One what?)
Q: Can you guarantee it won’t be raining? (Yes, if there are no clouds.)
Q: Can you arrange for a porta potty for my uncle. (Not that uncle.)
Q: Can the bathroom be locked from the inside so my kids don’t come in? (Odd children.)
Q: I am only 51, but can I get the senior discount anyway? (Do you look old?)
Q: My dog is not a service animal, can I just say it is? (How nice of you to ask, no.)
Q: Do you provide free jello mix?  (What flavor? No.)
Q: Can you introduce me to friends while I am there? (We’ll be your friend.)
Q: Do you guarantee the toilet seat will be comfortable for a long sit? (Spelling?)
Q: Does the door lock? (Yes.) Does the refrigerator lock? Does the TV lock? (No.)
Q: Can I get a discount if I book last-minute? (Sure, it it’s only for one minute.)
Q: Can you put a framed picture of Sylvester Stallone on the night stand? (Is it for your wife?)
Q: When we depart can we take all the soaps and paper products home? (If you are that poor.)
Q: Is that garage tall enough to put my travel trailer in? (Sorry, no trailers allowed.)
Q: Can you meet me when I arrive at 1AM, to explain where to eat? (Too early for breakfast.)  
Q: Can you waive the fee if I clean up before I depart? (Promises, promises, promises.)
Q: Where do bears go in the woods? (Please rephrase that.)
 
 
 

Read more

Blog #: 1040 – 08/31/25

Sponsor: Vortex VIP – We have one mission - to train and support the top lodging managers offering a variety of Resorts & Vacation Rental homes. Our support services provide world-class marketing, advertising, reservations, administration, accounting and training. All combined along with onsite local managers and staff. – VortexVIP.com

Ozzy Osbourne Vacation Rentals - Lodging Newsletter July 31, 2025

By Wm. May
Published: 08/26/25 Topics: Lodging Newsletter Comments: 0

You don’t have to be a John Michael Osbourne fan to know who the name Ozzy refers to.
 
Never far from the headlines, even those who feel symphonic music is far superior, must admit they know of him and his music. After a life filled with countless substances and shenanigans, he later intrigued viewers who watched him, his wife Sharon and two of their children frolic around their mansion acting like (somewhat) like normal people.
 
There have been many bands in Ozzy’s genre, but everyone agrees he was first. In every generation there have  been musicians who grab the attention of young listeners. But as Ozzy’s original fans aged, new groups of adolescents (In particular males) found him, embraced his music and found an emotional attachment that may be hard for us older folks to appreciate.
 
Sadly, Ozzy passed away on July 22nd, 2025 at the age of 66. A legion of fans mourned.
 
So why would a newsletter like this one lead with a story about the Prince of Darkness? Simply because he was, by intention or not, a master marketer. He had many different stage personas including:
 
  • The Madman 
  • The Great Ozz
  • The Prince of Darkness 
  • The Godfather of Heavy Metal   
  • The Wizard of Ozz
It is unlikely that Ozzy owned a vacation rental home. But if he did, it surely would have been in his unique "Prince of Darkness" motif. Oddly enough, this points out an idea that some vacation rental home owners have latched on to.
 
No not heavy metal - but heavily memorable concepts. There are rentals with cowboy themes, others with boat themes, 101 Dalmatians rooms, Disney characters, jungle wall paper and much, much more.
 
Ever since people started traveling for leisure and becoming "Tourists" they have longed for something new, unique and unusual to separate them from the mold. Concept homes offer that to a growing audience. They generate fawning reviews and great content for Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and other channels where standing apart from the crowd is the challenge. But it is also the opportunity to generate more customers.
 
Although I am not a heavy metal devotee myself, it hurts me to say that those of us who are (shall we say) follically challenged, damn the guy who had better hair on the day he died than most other men have on their 16th birthday.
 
Rest in peace, Ozzy. I would have liked the chance to know you.
 
 
Lodging Newsletter by William May
June 31, 2025 - Ozzy’s Vacation Rental
 
Last month’s newsletter listed ways other managers lose bookings (and we don’t). This month is a list of how property owners lose bookings.
 
Hand Me Downs - Using cast offs (even good ones) from your primary home is a way to alert guests that you don’t care enough to keep furniture, fixtures, or equipment up to date. Doing so is cheaper than buying new, but you lose bookings and far more income.
 
Upgrades - Successful homes get more use and more use means more upgrades over time. Last year’s amenities may work, but keeping up appliances, table wares, TV’s and all other aspects of the home is required. Penny pinching costs more than it saves.
 
Ring Cameras - For primary residences, security cameras may be fine. But the advance of cams that confront arriving guests in the face make them feel spied upon and impersonal. Using the alert to speak to guests will scare the buggers out of them. They may speak nicely to you, but will savage the property in reviews that scare off future bookings.
 
Criminal - Lodging property guests have "an expectation of privacy" and it has been in the news where property owners find themselves in court defending their peeping tom equipment. There have been stories of property owners being thrown in jail when a guest reports (and probably exaggerates) how they were surveilled. Door bell cameras are not worth the risk.
 
Exterminators - Even in popular markets, second homes are not occupied every day of the year. That is a perfect opportunity for mice, bugs, and even bats to invade. Owners who avoid the cost of regular inspections lose out when just a single tiny ant appears. Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish. Paying for regular inspections is being prepared.
 
Improper Rates - Even taught in high school math classes, pricing is primarily based on supply and demand.  For decades, there were more guests than rentals. Today, especially since the post-Covid surge, as vacation homes proliferate, the market defines what guests will pay. Dictating rates to the manager will dictate lower income for the property.
 
Risky Amenities - Offerings like bikes, kayaks, or other seemingly attractive amenities sounds good. Such things are attractive in photos, but they require constant care and maintenance.  And cost more to maintain than the few extra bookings.
 
Hot Tub - There is an exception. Modern hot tubs, carefully maintained by professional managers do attract guests. Hot tubs are said to be the most requested amenity worldwide, including in the tropics (go figure) and should increase rental income each year, up to double the installation cost. That means a 200% return on hot tub investment, for years.
 
Required - Skip these amenities, if you dare. Vacation homes must have internet, of course, but they still need basic cable TV, and in areas where mobile service is funky, a telephone. These ingredients, if missing, can "wreck" the stay for guests. Having a streaming TV service is fine, but it does not yet replace cable, if, of course, you want great reviews.
 
Landlord - Not every homeowner can or should be a vacation rental landlord. The experience is not what most owners imagine. This may not happen, but be prepared - someday a guest will criticize the home you love, the area where it’s located, the weather, the neighbors, the manager, the cleaner or your personal taste.
 

Read more

Author: Wm. May
Blog #: 1038 – 08/26/25

Sponsor: Vortex VIP – We have one mission - to train and support the top lodging managers offering a variety of Resorts & Vacation Rental homes. Our support services provide world-class marketing, advertising, reservations, administration, accounting and training. All combined along with onsite local managers and staff. – VortexVIP.com

[+] Submit Your Blog Here!

DETAILS: Newsletters are published for the benefit of readers. Because information changes rapidly, content may be dated by the time it arrives and further out of date over time. Reviewing old newsletters should be done understanding when it was published. Authors are invited to submit news, articles and opinions by clicking on the Submit articles link. By doing so, submitters authorize the editor to publish such submissions additional news items on this and other websites without compensation, with and without credit to and naming of the author. Once submitted articles may can not be withdrawn. The publisher accepts no responsibility for mis-information or errors submitted to it. Please report inappropriate or undesirable linked news by emailing the website.

Remember to Comment

Tell others what you think. Agree? Disagree? Or
couldn't care less? Click link on bottom of the Blog.